I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
