i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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