When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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