you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
