I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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