yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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