another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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