i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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