I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
