Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
whose parrot is this?
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My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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