I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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