considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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