Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
