Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
