My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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