Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
