It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
