Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
