I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
