As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
