Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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