I just gift wrapped bread.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
