can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
