dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
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We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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