Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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