I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize