i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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