The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
