i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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