am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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