you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
