I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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