Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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