ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
