put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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