my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
