my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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