What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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