He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
