I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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