Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
