At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
