Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
