I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
