I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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