The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
