You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
