If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
