I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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