I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
