If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Mom said you looked used
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
