i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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