i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
