k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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