Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
