She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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