um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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