I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
