I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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