if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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