I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
