I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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