I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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