Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
