WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
