The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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