Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
