I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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