She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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