i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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