I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
