I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
