she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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