Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
