you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
