If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
