soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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