It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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