I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
