i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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